The lifestyle in North Carolina

The shape of the scene

Charlotte is the largest and pulls from across both Carolinas. The Triangle is more academic and more explicitly non-monogamous in its culture. Asheville is small, alternative and disproportionately open for its size.

Rapid in-migration over the past two decades has made all three more open than the state's reputation would suggest, particularly Charlotte and the Triangle.

Venues, alcohol and why so many clubs are BYOB

North Carolina has a long history of private club licensing, which is part of why adult venues in the state have generally operated on a membership basis. Rules have changed over the years and vary locally; confirm with the venue.

Why this pattern exists across the whole country is covered in the legal questions couples ask.

Distances and how people travel

Charlotte to Raleigh is around two and a half hours, Charlotte to Asheville two, Raleigh to Asheville four. The coast is a further two to four hours from any of them.

Outside the metros

The eastern part of the state and the coastal towns are thinly served, though Wilmington and the Outer Banks have small seasonal networks.

The character of the scene here

North Carolina has changed faster than almost any state in this respect, driven by two decades of in-migration. The scene in the Triangle in particular bears little resemblance to what was there twenty years ago, and is now among the more openly non-monogamous in the South.

If you are starting out

Charlotte is the easiest entry point for most people, with the widest calendar and a reputation for handling newcomers well. Asheville is the easiest small scene in the state to walk into.

None of that is specific to this state: talk to each other first, meet people online, meet in public, and consider an event only after that. The order is covered in how to find people, and the practical rules are on our safety page.