Staying safe: the short version

Meeting people

1. First meeting somewhere public, chosen by you rather than suggested by them.
2. Your own transport in both directions, with no dependence on anyone else.
3. Someone who knows where you are, who you are meeting and when you will be back.
4. A charged phone, on you, not in a coat on a rail.
5. A video call before you meet. This is standard practice and nobody experienced is offended by it.

Full detail in meeting safely.

The money rule

Never send money to anyone you have not met in person. No exceptions, no matter how plausible the reason or how long you have been talking. This single rule prevents almost every financial loss in this space.

The common schemes and how they work are covered in spotting fake profiles and scams.

Consent

Ask before touching, every time, including people you have met before. A pause is a no. Anyone can stop at any point, including halfway through, without giving a reason.

Most real-world consent problems in the lifestyle involve alcohol, which gets less attention than it deserves. See consent basics and alcohol and consent.

Privacy

• Never reuse a photo that exists anywhere else online. Reverse image search takes seconds.
• Check backgrounds — windows, mirrors, post, lanyards, children's things.
• Use an email address and a username that exist for this and nothing else.
• Keep your full name, employer and address back until trust actually exists.

More in protecting your privacy and photos and privacy.

Health

Testing every three to six months is the common practice among active participants. A standard panel does not usually include herpes or HPV, and a urine test alone misses throat and rectal infections — ask for site-specific swabs if they are relevant to you.

Detail in testing and safer sex. None of it is a substitute for a clinician.

Warning signs worth acting on

• Pressure to move faster than you are comfortable with, in any respect.
• Any request for money, ever.
• Refusal to meet in public, or refusal to video call.
• One partner speaking for the other, or answering questions directed at them.
• Irritation when you ask a reasonable question.
• Anything that makes you want to check your notes.

The full list, including what to look for at an event, is in red flags worth acting on.

The rule underneath all of it

Leaving costs you an evening. Staying somewhere that felt wrong can cost considerably more. You never owe anyone certainty, an explanation or a second chance, and nobody in a healthy scene will think anything of it if you go.