Writing a couple's profile

A lifestyle profile is doing one job: helping the right people recognise you and helping the wrong people move on. Almost every failure is a failure to be specific.

The mistakes nearly everyone makes

• Writing nothing. “Ask us anything” is not a profile. It puts the work on the reader and they will not do it.
• Writing it as one person. Profiles written entirely by one partner are obvious and they make readers wonder whether the other partner is involved at all.
• Listing requirements. A profile that is mostly a list of what you will not accept reads as difficult before anyone has said hello.
• Being explicit immediately. Graphic profiles filter for people who want exactly that and nobody else.
• No photos at all. Understandable, but it dramatically reduces replies. There are middle options.

What to actually include

1. Who you are as people. Two or three sentences. How long you have been together, what you do for fun, what you are like at a table.
2. Where you are, roughly. Metro area is enough. “Anywhere” is not useful to anyone.
3. Experience level, honestly. Being new is not a disadvantage; pretending otherwise is.
4. What you are looking for. Drinks first? Same-room only? Couples only? Say it.
5. What you are not looking for. Briefly, without a manifesto.

Write it together

The single most effective change is that both of you write part of it, in your own voices. Readers notice immediately, and it answers the question every experienced couple is quietly asking: is she actually into this, or is he running the account?

A profile with two clearly distinct voices in it gets substantially more replies than one written by a committee of one.

Tone

The tone that works is the one you would use meeting people at a friend's party — warm, specific, slightly funny if that is natural to you. Not a job application and not an advertisement.

Specifics are what make a profile memorable. “We like travelling and good food” describes everyone. “We spent last summer driving around New Mexico arguing about podcasts” describes you.

A workable structure

If you want a template to adapt rather than copy:

• Opening line with some personality, not a greeting.
• Two sentences about you as a couple — how long, what you are like.
• One sentence each, individually, in your own words.
• What you are hoping to find, stated plainly.
• What you are not looking for, in one short sentence.
• A closing line that invites a specific conversation rather than “message us”.

Keeping it current

Profiles decay. If your bio still says you are brand new eighteen months later, or your photos are five years old, that mismatch does more damage than either would alone.