Non-monogamy
Polycules, metamours and the rest
Polyamory generated a vocabulary because it needed one. Ordinary English has no word for your partner's partner, and once more than two people are involved you need one constantly.
The terminology looks like jargon from outside and functions as plain description from inside. A dozen words cover almost every conversation you will have.
Polycule
A portmanteau of polyamory and molecule: the whole connected network of people linked by relationships. If you have two partners, and one of them has another partner who has a spouse, all five of you are in one polycule.
The word exists because these networks genuinely look like molecular diagrams when drawn, and people draw them more often than you would expect — usually to work out scheduling.
Metamour
Your partner's other partner, with whom you are not involved. One of the most useful words in the vocabulary, because the relationship it describes is real, common, and has no other name.
Metamour relationships range from close friendship to polite distance to never having met. All three are normal, and which one you have is largely determined by whether the polycule runs kitchen-table or parallel.
The rest of the working vocabulary
| Term | Meaning |
|---|---|
| Compersion | Pleasure at a partner's happiness with someone else. Real, and oversold as a requirement. |
| NRE | New relationship energy — the absorbing early excitement that temporarily impairs judgement. |
| Nesting partner | The partner you live with. Deliberately avoids implying rank. |
| Anchor partner | A long-term, practically entangled partner, without the hierarchy of “primary”. |
| Comet | Someone you see rarely but consistently — once or twice a year, reliably. |
| Paramour | A partner, used mainly where “metamour” needs a counterpart. |
| Unicorn | A single bisexual woman available to join a couple. |
| Veto | One partner's ability to end another relationship. Contested in polyamory. |
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Free to join · Adults 18+ · Affiliate link — we may earn a commissionWhy the words matter more than they look
Two reasons, and neither is community identity.
The first is precision. “My metamour and I are parallel” states in five words a boundary that would otherwise need a paragraph and still be misread.
The second is that having a word for a relationship makes it easier to treat that relationship as real. People who have a name for their metamour tend to think about that person's interests more than people who do not.
Terms worth being careful with
- Primary and secondary. Accurate for many arrangements and experienced as diminishing by many secondaries. Some people prefer nesting or anchor partner.
- Unicorn. Widely used and disliked by plenty of the people it describes.
- Poly. Fine as shorthand, though some Polynesian communities have objected to the abbreviation. Usage varies.
The broader glossary of lifestyle and non-monogamy terms is on our glossary page.
If you are new and someone uses a term you do not know, ask. Every community with jargon has people who enjoy explaining it, and guessing wrong at a word like “parallel” can cause a genuine misunderstanding.
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Free to join · Adults 18+ · Affiliate link — we may earn a commissionCommon questions
What is a polycule?
The whole connected network of people linked by relationships — your partners, their partners, and so on. A portmanteau of polyamory and molecule.
What is a metamour?
Your partner's other partner, someone you are not involved with yourself. The relationship can be close friendship, polite distance, or no contact at all.
Do I have to get on with my metamours?
No. Kitchen-table polyamory expects everyone to be friendly; parallel polyamory expects the opposite. Both are normal and it is worth agreeing which you are doing.
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Last updated: July 2026