Clubs & events
Dress codes and theme nights
Dress codes are enforced more strictly than newcomers expect, and getting it wrong is one of the few ways to have a genuinely awkward evening before you even walk in.
Venues care about this. A dress code is how a club maintains an atmosphere, and door staff turn people away over it more often than over anything else.
The general standard
Most venues sit somewhere between smart casual and cocktail attire, and the bar is higher than an ordinary bar. As a rule, aim smarter than you think necessary — being overdressed is never remarked on, being underdressed occasionally means being refused entry.
There is a regional pattern to this. Dallas, the Southeast and much of the East Coast run noticeably smarter dress codes than Portland, Seattle or Denver, where things are considerably more relaxed. If you are travelling, check rather than assume.
What is almost always excluded
- Trainers, sportswear and gym clothing
- Ripped or work jeans
- Baseball caps and beanies
- T-shirts with slogans or logos
- Anything you would wear to do the shopping
The rule is stricter for men at most venues, which people find unfair and which is nonetheless how it is.
Theme nights
A theme night is not a suggestion. Venues advertise them in advance and enforce them at the door, and turning up in ordinary clothes to a themed event is the most common first-timer mistake.
| Theme | What it usually means |
|---|---|
| Black and white | Exactly that. Common, easy, and hard to get wrong. |
| Lingerie or sleepwear | Usually a changing room is provided. You do not arrive dressed that way. |
| Masquerade | Masks provided or brought. Popular with newcomers for obvious reasons. |
| Fetish or latex | A genuine dress code with genuine enforcement. Not a casual night. |
| Decades or costume | As advertised. Effort is noticed and appreciated. |
| Toga, beach, pool | Usually daytime or resort events with their own rules. |
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Free to join · Adults 18+ · Affiliate link — we may earn a commissionChanging rooms
Most venues have them, and most people use them. You do not walk from your car in lingerie, and in many places you would be committing an offence if you did.
Bring a bag with what you are changing into, plus something to change back into at the end of the night. Arriving and leaving in ordinary clothes is standard practice and is also the discreet option.
What to wear to a first event
Something you already know you look good in. A first night is not the occasion to test a new outfit you are unsure about, because the self-consciousness will occupy the entire evening.
- Socials and meet-and-greets: smart casual. What you would wear to a good restaurant.
- Club night, no theme: cocktail or smart. Dress for a decent night out and add a notch.
- House party: ask the host. These vary enormously and the host will tell you plainly.
- Themed event: as advertised, and check the venue's page rather than guessing.
Practical things people forget
Shoes you can stand in for four hours. Somewhere to put a phone and keys, since venues often have lockers but not always. Cash for the door. And a coat you do not mind leaving on a rail.
If you are unsure, email or message the venue and ask. They answer this question constantly, they would rather tell you than turn you away, and asking marks you as someone who is taking it seriously.
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Free to join · Adults 18+ · Affiliate link — we may earn a commissionCommon questions
What do you wear to a swingers club?
Cocktail or smart attire at most venues, unless a theme is advertised. Aim smarter than you think necessary — overdressed goes unremarked, underdressed can mean being turned away.
Are theme nights compulsory?
At venues that run them, effectively yes. They are advertised in advance and enforced at the door, and turning up in ordinary clothes is the most common newcomer mistake.
Do you get changed at the venue?
Usually. Most venues have changing rooms and most people arrive and leave in ordinary clothes, which is both practical and the discreet option.
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Last updated: July 2026